Not so many years ago, I was obsessed with something sort of embarrassing.
I really, really wanted to lose weight.
I tried every diet, did whatever I could to finally figure out what would work–a process that resulted in a decade-long eating disorder. In the end, I did figure it out (and I’m still proud of my diet book, The Emergency Diet). But I still had the eating disorder.
And it was awful.
Every day—nearly every day, anyway—my mind was consumed (!) with eating. I prayed about it. I planned it in detail. I made all kinds of decisions, including whether or not to see friends that day, based on the way that I felt about my body.
And then one day, the disorder just let me go.
Briefly, what happened was this: I told God that I felt powerless over this inner demon, and that I was going to fully embrace it–for now. I would count every calorie, binge eat and starve, until I could truly say I was sick of it all.
So, that is what I did. I let go of my need to be healed and instead allowed myself to be flawed and in pain. Then, not long after, that glorious day came when I was truly ready to be different.
The many gory details of this story are part of a book of mine still in progress, so for now I’ll just skip to the end: Since that time I’ve dieted rarely, and have maintained a healthy, thin weight.
To some, this might not seem like a law of attraction story. There were no mantras, no formulas, involved–just a deeply felt desire and intention to one day overcome the problem. At that difficult time in my life, however, more work wasn’t what I needed. I needed less work, less doing, less obsession. I needed to allow myself to do what I wanted to do, make so-called “poor” decisions–to just sort of give myself a break. Eventually, my deeper self–my true self–came forward and tapped me on the shoulder, telling me that it was time to move on.
Worrying about stuff, I believe, doesn’t make it better. In fact, if we are to believe many teachers of the law of attraction, obsession often delays the goal considerably.
What does the struggle for inner peace look like for the rest of us?